Ok, so I have nothing super good to report, but I promised that I would "keep it real" and unfortunately, everything I have to say this week is real. Let's not waste any time and just let you have it....
- I gained weight.
- I did not consistently exercise. (but I did get some in)
- I did not do weekly meal prep so my snacking hasn't been great.
- I have been so busy, I am not getting enough sleep.
- We traveled this month and I did not make the best food choices.
- We had quite a few social events this month, where there was quite a bit of eating and drinking happening.
- Halloween candy...need I say more about this?? I think not.
I forgot to take a picture of the scale this week, and quite honestly, I did not want to get in the jeans. I was getting dressed the other day and Mike came around the corner and I burst into tears. This is as real as it gets, people. I am sad, so sad that I am still overweight. I am so sad, that I bought a bunch of clothes online and returned everything except one thing because none of it fit or looked good. I am sad that I even have to write this right now. I told Mike the other night that people aren't going to want to read my blog anymore if I don't start showing that I can lose the weight! The whole point of this was to show my journey and my journey isn't going very far!
I have had a few eye openers this week. One is the amount of sadness I have, I knew it bothered me, but sad, really sad is a little different feeling. Second, I read a really awesome article that was written for me/about me (or so it seems), more about that in a minute. Lastly, as much I enjoy the Friday Favorites, I need to check in on my weight or How the jeans fit every week so that I keep myself accountable.
So first, the sadness. I got out of the shower the other day and while getting dressed started to cry. I was crying because as I was looking down at myself, I realized that since I have had Owen I haven't had one day (in 4 years) that I have not looked like I am still pregnant. Makes me feel awful. The kids make comments about my belly being jiggly and it kills me to hear it. They obviously are not saying it to hurt me, but they are. My clothes don't fit right, I can't find new stuff that looks good. I want to look great and feel great, and I don't and it all just makes me sad.
So this brings me to the blog post I came across the other day that was written for me. In my search for health and fitness blogs the last few months, I found Organize yourself Skinny. She wrote a post the other day called "4 Pieces of Advice I would give my 40 pounds Heavier self." I am, right now, her 40 pounds heavier self.
- I am not in control. Diets are not working, just having a healthier lifestyle isn't working, getting up early was not working, going to bed early was not working, exercising in the morning was not working, exercising at night does not work, in the middle of the day doesn't always work with my schedule. None of it is working, because I am not working. I am in control of the choices that I make. I am just not making the right ones. That is where my mind needs to change, I need to realize that I am in control and I need to be in control over my mind and body.
- I am still doing what I always do. Still. Doing. The. Same. Stuff. Strict for a few days, eat something I shouldn't and get back at it three days and 5pounds later. Still running myself ragged and not making the time for the important stuff. Something has to give and I don't know what it is. Everything I am doing seems really important, but I have to get my priorities straight.
- I am not consistent. I am great for a day, maybe even a few, but never a whole week. NEVER, a whole week. Sad, right? I can not say that in the last year, I have made the right choices for even one whole week. Crazy! She says three weeks to make a habit. I need to give me, three weeks.
- I think every day about how my life will be better when I lose weight. I will have more energy for my kids, for the things that really matter in life. I will feel prettier, sexier and more confident in my skin which will benefit me, as well as my husband! I will be more confident in social situations when I am not pulling at my clothes and worrying about how I look. I will be so excited to go to the store, find a cute outfit, try it on and think it looks great on me. I don't even remember what that feeling feels like.
So that is me now. Just wishing to be skinny, not taking control, not being consistent and running my body into the ground. You don't get any more real than that.
So what does this mean for me? Well, there are things that I am doing right. I do still have a stocked freezer, I am still meal planning and I am getting in the occasional exercise. I am learning as I go and I can't change all my habits in one day. So here is what I am going to work on this week.
- Starting Sunday, I am going to track every day! Every. Day. Not just 2 or 3 days, but every day until I write the next post! It doesn't matter what I eat, it needs to go in. I am not going to put a calorie limit on it, just post what I eat. After a couple weeks it should be a lot easier to track because all of my regular foods will be in My Fitness Pal.
- I am going to drink more water. I have really been slacking on this and I am feeling it in my skin and my body.
- I am going to workout 3 times this week.
- I am going to stop what I am doing by 9pm. Relax for one hour and get into bed by 10pm. I need more sleep.
- I am going to set my alarm for 6:30am.
- I am in control. I make the choice. I decide to do the stuff above. (I have a feeling I will have something like this written on a sticky note in a few locations around my house)
I am in control. I make the choice. I am in control. I make the choice. I am in control. I make the choice....
Until next week!