Where's the Love?

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

I have plenty of love to go around!! I love my family, my kids, my husband, my friends, heck, I feel a sort of love sometimes for people I don't even know that well.

Want to guess who I don't show a lot of love for? Myself.

I would not call someone else (especially someone I loved) fat, unattractive or gross. But I say it about myself all the time. If someone was struggling with themselves, would I say, they couldn't do it? beat them down or be extremely negative? Nope, but that is what I do to myself. All. Day. Long. 

After a lot of thinking, I have come to a conclusion. I do not love myself. I have no respect for myself. Without a loving and caring relationship, how do you flourish, how do you move on and reach goals? The simple answer is. You don't. You shrivel up, stop trying, sabotage your abilities and beat yourself down. This is so incredibly sad, but unfortunately, so very true. 

A friend sent me a post written by Joni Edelman. She appeared on the Today show and I watched it here. Do you know what I did when I watched it? I cried. It hit home for me, in so many ways and it brought tears to my eyes listening to her talk. 

A few points from the post that I would like to address, find the full post here...

"Happiness does not require thinness. Fatness does not presume sadness." 

In all honesty, I believe this. I believe that when I am skinny, I will be happier. Will I be? 

My dad told me a few months back, "you are the same person, you have always been, even if you don't look exactly the same." I said, no way, I am not because now I am more self conscious and less confident because of my weight. But what I have realized is, being overweight hasn't made me like that, my perception about what other people are thinking of me and what I think of me, is what makes me feel like that. 

I am the same person I was 5, 10, 15 years ago. I still like to laugh and have fun, I like to make people laugh, I am kind and helpful and a beautiful person. I just don't believe it and I should. Being skinny won't make me that person. I am that person. Will I ever be perfect in my eyes? Even at 115 pounds (yes, there was a time!) I didn't think I was "skinny" so what makes me think that getting down to my goal weight now is going to make me happy?

If I don't start loving myself, even when I am skinny, I won't be happy. It is time to change that. 

"Eat Pizza and ice cream and enjoy it. Drink up your life and a bottle of wine and make no apologies." 

I am not bettering myself, by beating myself up for eating things that I enjoy. I like to drink beer and wine. I love to get ice cream. I love to bake with my kids. I love to go out to dinner with my friends and I don't always want to order a salad. Should I beat myself up every time I do these things? Is that fair to me, to get mad at myself every time I do something I enjoy? 

I presume that everyone that watches me eat/drink something that isn't healthy when I am out, is thinking bad things about me. Is that person sitting across the restaraunt, asking herself why I am not getting a salad. Is that person in McDonald's (because yes, occassionally, I take my kids there) thinking, I can't believe she would come to McDonald's because she is fat. Is the person at the ice cream shop, judging me? No they aren't. They probably don't give me a second thought, right? It is me, who is thinking these things about me, not others. I am the one beating myself down.

If I don't stop beating myself down for doing things I enjoy, I won't be happy, nor will I be skinny. 

"The world wants you to be want to thin. It wants you to believe that you're only worthy of love and life, if you are beautiful, and beautiful people are not fat. Or maybe they are"

Because I am not at my goal weight, I am not worthy.

I read a lot of blogs. I love reading blogs, so much I started my own :) Some of the blogs I enjoy are fashion blogs. I love to look at how people put their outfits together. Do you know what I say when I read them. Oh someday I will dress like that. When I finally reach my goal weight, I will buy that. Look how great she looks, I can't wait to look like that.

Because I am not at my goal weight, I am not worthy, I do not deserve those cute clothes. I don't deserve to spend $50 on a pair of jeans. Why?

Instead it is better that I squeeze into clothes that don't fit. That I have very few outfits that I feel good in. That I have to pull up or cover up whenever I move around? This makes me feel like crap, but until I reach my goal weight I don't deserve new clothes.

Yes, I am overweight, but does that mean I don't get to look good? I was talking to a friend the other day and explaining that even though I am overweight, if I put on an outfit that looks good, I feel good. But I don't have many of these outfits because I refuse to buy new clothes. So instead I feel very uncomfortable in my clothes most of the time. Which makes me feel bad, makes me upset to start the day and of course makes me down on myself.

So wouldn't it be nicer to myself to let myself, buy some clothes that make me feel good. I deserve to have some cute clothes that fit, that I feel good in, even if they are a size 16.

I deserve to love me, at 115 pounds or 195 pounds. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to be 195 pounds forever. That is not what this post is about. I still want to lose weight, I still want to be a fit mom. But the point is, I don't think I will ever get there if I can't love myself and give myself a break. I can't expect to meet my weight loss goals when all I do is beat myself up about everything.

When you want your child to succeed do you tell them they can't do it, they are stupid, why bother? Every time they make a mistake would you point it out and yell at them about it? Every time they had fun and were not working towards their goal, would you get really mad at them? Hell. No. You would do the very opposite. You would build up their confidence and make them feel better when they make a mistake. You would encourage them to live life and have fun and work towards their goals. You would be their biggest cheerleader. I know I would, so why can't I do the same for myself??

It is time to change. It is time to learn to love me, mistakes, weight and all. I am me. The same me as I have always been and I deserve to respect myself as much as I respect every one else. 


  1. Oh my gosh girl!!! This is what I needed to hear today!!! I have been struggling with this myself. And I have a young daughter that I don't want to believe that mommy doesn't like herself. I don't want to create that type of body image for her. So great you realize and are working on making it better!

  2. This is a lovely post and so very true.
    I think that your goals are admirable and should be taken by all of us out there as often we are our own worst critics. Thank you for this x

  3. As I was reading your post today, Sandy, I remembered another post that I read last night from a girl I follow on IG. I think this might help you. Accepting yourself for who you are is always the first step. Hang in there!


  4. GREAT post. Seriously. I'm heavy and I always think I will be happier when I'm thinner, but maybe it's not that... Some things will be easier, but not necessarily happier. It's not a fix-all for everything. I still want to do it, but I think we need to learn to love ourselves each step along the way.

  5. You are amazing!!!! Love yourself and the rest will fall into place 😘

  6. We as women battle with such great insecurities and the media does not make it any easier for us. Sandy -- You are beautiful at any age and size. That is a fact.

  7. I can definitely relate to this. I have struggled with weight before, but I also struggle with the plain ol' "someday" myth. Today is yesterday's "someday"; stop waiting and start today. :)

  8. This is such a wonderful post -- loving yourself is SO important. It always amazes me how mean we are to ourselves. I used to only pick out the things I did not like about myself when I looked in the mirror, now I make sure to tell myself the things that I love.

  9. How true is this. I've lost a little under 100lbs and I still find myself upset that I'm not at my pre-preg weight. We all need to learn to love the skin we're in.

  10. This is so true, I really needed this. Thank you!

  11. This is so true. I also have a hate relationship with myself. I have never loved myself. I am also on that journey. Happiness does NOT come from being skinny. Take it from me. I've always been skinny. I just find other things to hate about myself. It's time to give ourselves some love.

  12. great post. I have been struggling a lot with weight lately and needed to hear this. thank you

  13. I agree, our happiness is not a number. but we do need to be healthy
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