#TransformationTuesday - May 2017

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Ok, here it is 4 months later, after I told you I was going to update you on my weight loss every week. Ha! First of all, I need to stop fooling myself into thinking that I have the time to take the right pictures and put up a transformation post every week, especially, if I want to continue to blog about other things as well. Second of all, there isn't a whole lot of progress to show you.

I know, I know...some of you are not surprised.

Since I wasn't blogging the posts, I decided to take the accountability to Instagram. Starting 3 weeks ago, I have talked a little about the struggles in my instastories and posted some pictures of the scale. Let  me show you a little collage from these pictures.

Do you see a trend here?? Monday - Friday the scale goes down, then I don't get on the scale over the weekend and Monday my weight is up, by Tuesday it is heading back down again. Up down, up down and essentially getting no where. Ugh.

My small goal starting April 24th was to lose 10 pounds by May 19th for a weekend trip away with Mike. I figured since I have so much to lose, it would be simple to lose weight faster at first. As of today I have lost 2.4 pounds. I still have a few days to make that a little more, but I probably won't get to 10 pounds. Ugh. Debating whether to be happy that I lost almost a pound a week?? Or sad that I didn't reach  my goal?

My next small goal is another 10 pounds by a trip we have June 29th. I really feel that if I could stay consistent on the weekends, I would be able to see a much bigger loss. How am I going to break this cycle??

Random thoughts:

1. If I could only do something that would take off 10 pounds fast... a cleanse?? I know, I know you shouldn't try fad diets and stuff like that because they don't work in the long term, but I just feel like if I could see some results, a significant loss, it would motivate me to keep going. Anyone ever feel like that? I see like a few pounds come off, but not enough to get me excited and stay on track for the weekends. I know I shouldn't, but any suggestions?? (I wrote some of this post last night, I may have woken at 4AM unable to fall back to sleep and researched some cleanses, I may have purchased an eBook on a 3 day cleanse, I may be doing it next week and if all goes well, I may tell you all about it)

2. If I could only take the weight off, I clearly have no problem maintaining! So I know that I have to put in the hard work, and then this, work hard during the week and relax on the weekends mentality will work for maintaining my goal weight. BUT I have to get to my goal weight first, that's the issue.

3. I very easily get off track. I was on a roll with walking on the treadmill. Then we went on vacation and we had people staying with us and some family stuff going on, and it took me some time to catch up on everything, so walking took a backseat. Why is working out the first to go for me? Because I hate it? Because it has never been a routine and I haven't stuck with it long enough to become a routine?  Because I am so out of shape that it makes me tired to just think about it, never mind do it?

These are all the things that go through my mind regularly lately. Same old, same old, I guess you could say. I am so tired of having to think about it. I just wish it was second nature to me, I just wish I didn't have to track, think about or feel guilty about every thing I put in my mouth. I wish I had a good relationship with food. I wish I didn't love it so much, I wish I didn't love beer. I wish I thought of food as fuel only. I wish I loved to exercise. I wish, I wish, I wish. Wishing is not going to get me to lose weight. I have to put in the hard work.

Because I love a good ecard, I have to share...

My goals for this month:

1. Track everyday, even the weekends
2. Do a cleanse
3. Meal plan every week (I have gotten off track)
4. Walk 4 days/week on the treadmill or outside (got in my walk this morning already! It helps to get up at 4AM, although I don't see that happening very often!)

If you want to keep up with the progress, you can follow me on Instagram, that's where I like to tell my stories! I would love for you to follow along!

Bentley - Our Sweet Boy

Tuesday, May 9, 2017


Twelve and a half years ago, I fell in love with a Golden Retriever and pretty easily talked Mike into bringing him home. We were living together, but not yet married and had no children. Bentley was our baby. He was a little ball of fluff that melted our hearts. 

Years went by and not without challenges, a broken paw, surgery and not always the most well behaved dog. We joked that he liked people more than other dogs because he would absolutely run circles around anyone who walked in the house or the yard! 

Then we had Olivia and I got overwhelmed with taking care of her and Mike took over the care of Bentley. Then Owen came along and for me, Bentley became just more work. He was a counter surfer or the food ninja as we called him. There were entire dinners or kids lunches eaten in the matter of seconds and I hate to say it now, but I just couldn't deal with him. 

As much as his naughtiness drove me crazy, I was grateful for how good he was with the kids. They could do anything to Bentley and especially Owen, tried it all, but Bentley never got mad. Most of the time he just laid there and took it, sometimes he would get up and walk away. For those years I always loved him for that. 

Then the kids got older and so did Bentley. Yes he still stole the occasional food, or lets face it, a lot of food. But we got a little better about guarding it, and I wasn't running off to a crying child and leaving plates as much. He was slowing down. People could come in the house and I didn't have to worry that he would knock them over. The kids didn't need my constant attention anymore and Bentley started to get more of my attention again. It's funny how it all comes full circle. I feel guilty sometimes when I think back, but honestly as a mom we are all just trying to make it through sometimes, am I right? 

Then one day last April he stopped eating, and started acting lethargic. We brought him to the vet to find out he had a urinary tract infection and a tumor on his spleen. Ugh. 

We fixed the urinary tract infection, but at 11 1/2 we were not going to put him through surgery to remove his spleen. Plus he had spots that appeared to be tumors in other places as well so surgery could have been for nothing, we would have been in the same position a month later.  A week later he collapsed and we thought it was over, but a short stint on prednisone, he was back to normal. We knew at that point May 2016, that any day that could change. 

Our boy gave us a whole year after that. We didn't think he would make it to his 12th birthday and he did. We are so grateful! 

Then one day we noticed he was sleeping a lot more than normal, slowing down a lot. He started to skip meals and if you knew Bentley, you knew he didn't skip meals. We let it go on for a while because he was otherwise happy, but I think we just didn't want to know. We knew what was happening. Finally when the meal skipping became more frequent, we brought him in. They did an ultrasound and found that the tumor on his spleen that was just small at the bottom, had taken over the entire thing. This was causing Bentley to be in pain, but also could rupture at any moment. This would have been horribly painful. We took our boy home with heavy heavy hearts and spoiled him rotten for a week before we brought him back to the vet for the last time to say goodbye. 

You know when you get a dog that someday it will come to this, but you don't realize how hard that day will be. Especially two kids later. Those kids loved their pup and to watch them learn this tough life lesson for the first time was devastating. To see my husband lose his "best friend" was also harder than I imagined. I just wanted to make sure all my people were OK, and that my Bentley was not in pain. I still expect to come around the corner and see him laying on the floor. I know it will be a while before that feeling stops. 

He was a part of our family and he is missed so much. Mike found this poem which I love and can't read it without tears coming to my eyes...

Have you a dog in Heaven, Lord? 
Is there room for just one more? 
Cause my little dog died today; He'll be waiting at your door. 
Please take him into Heaven, Lord and keep him there for me. 
Just feed him, pet him, love him, Lord, that's all he'll ask of Thee

We love you Bentley and I hope you are pain free, just swimming and eating with all your friends. As Owen says, we will see you again someday. 

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